On Appnesia and Other Ailments
Distraction-free life, is it possible?
Appnesia occurs when a person picks up their phone to perform a planned or unplanned action, but instead starts scrolling through various apps and ultimately forgets why they picked up the phone in the first place, without completing the original action.1 The person then scratches their head thoughtfully, sighs heavily, not understanding where the last twenty minutes have gone or how the phone ended up in their hand.
This phenomenon is similar to what happens when a person, while performing household tasks, goes into another room to fetch or do something, but immediately forgets why they went there, scratches their head thoughtfully, sighs heavily, marvelling at the quirks of the brain, the treachery of time, and the wonders of teleportation. Unlike a room, the phone is in one’s pocket, so one can be transported there at any moment. A similar state occurs during computer work and sometimes lasts up to eight hours a day, from nine to five, when a person, having remembered in the morning that they need to work, suddenly realises it is already evening, and it feels as if the day never happened.
Appnesia is usually preceded by phonetom pain in the thumb, accompanied by a slight tingling in the palm, usually arising from a spontaneous desire to check whether they are not in a dream and the world still exists. For example, a person might be walking in a park, listening to the birds, thinking about what sauce to prepare for pasta in the evening and what they need to buy for it, but suddenly realises the futility of their thoughts and turns to the internet to find out if people are suffering from war, hunger, or poor adaptation of their favourite anime on Netflix. But suddenly, the phone is not in their pocket, a shiver runs down their spine, their hand starts to tremble—contact with the world is lost—until it turns out the phone is in another pocket. The person takes the phone, opens the calendar, the messenger, turns on a podcast, and walks along the embankment, with the argument of two millennials in their ears, no longer thinking about the pasta sauce2 or people’s sufferings. The world has not disappeared, life can go on, it is indeed not a dream.
One of the causes of both phonetom pain and appnesia is notifications. The modern person receives about forty-six notifications per minute3. This might be a notification about an urgent meeting, the oven’s completion of five-hour-slow-cooked pork ribs, a message from a mother, friend, boss, a like on their social media post, an offer to buy groceries with a twenty percent discount within the next hour, the start of a nuclear war, new Instagram stories, the green owl with daily threats, or something else. Since notifications most often vibrate or sound the same4, it is impossible to recognise what exactly happened before taking the phone out of the pocket. This leads to an impulsive desire to pick up the device. This, in turn, becomes a habit; notifications start to broadcast directly to the brain, to the reptilian part, causing a burning sensation there and forcing the person to check them out. In that case, the event doesn’t even have to occur; the “feeling” or “anticipation” of something important is enough. Then the person scrolls through apps, either finding something interesting or not, meanwhile being transported in time and space, not understanding what and how has just happened. Often, the person does not even notice anything. The reality just passes by. In this case, it is considered “latent appnesia.” It seems the least annoying to a person and proceeds painlessly, as they do not even know it exists.
The most painful form of appnesia occurs in people engaged in intensive intellectual work. This form of appnesia is accompanied by irritation, anger, rage, later turning into sadness or depression. The trigger for such appnesia can be suddenly arising difficulties in the thought process, which block the flow of thought, causing an irresistible desire in the thinking subject not to overcome this difficulty but to avoid it, skip it, switch to something else. For example, instead of finishing a paragraph, a piece of code, or a formula derivation, the human brain faced with an obstacle begins to scream, “HELP! HARD! ME DOESN’T CAN!” The bearer of this brain then frowns, freezes, and if within a few seconds they cannot overcome the difficulty, they open one of the available apps on their phone or computer and scroll through them, forgetting, or rather not even understanding, why they did it and how much time has passed. But alas, the thought is already lost, and additional time is needed to get back into the task.
People engaged in intellectual work are refined, fragile beings, attributing the highest properties and degrees of importance to their intellect and creativity. Therefore, when they suddenly realise that their brain, like the brain of any other person, is imperfect and does not possess the desired concentration and willpower and often falls into appnesia, they become angry, berate themselves for how poorly they work, for being distracted by everything, for losing the ability to think sequentially, sublimely, transcendently. A person cannot blame themselves for long; it is harmful to their psyche, so naturally, they start blaming everything on the phone, computer, internet. It’s fair to say that they undoubtedly contribute to appnesia, providing a convenient space for distraction, escape from reality, difficulties, or boredom, but are not the solitary cause of it.
One of the most effective documented ways to combat appnesia is the method of Felix Futzbucker. As a young inventor, he suffered daily from this affliction, losing thousands of hours from his life every day. He tried coffee, nootropics, meditation, mushrooms, screen time restriction, lucid dreaming, atomic habits, a complete digital detox for several years, but still continued to be distracted. His brain could not become perfect, which hindered Felix on his path to becoming a superhuman. Then, unwilling to submit to the yoke of mother nature, through trial and error, often under the influence of the same appnesia, Felix invented the Felix’s Focus Chair™.
The Focus Chair™ is an invention designed to combat appnesia by physically restraining the user to help them focus and avoid distractions. The device consists of a sturdy wooden chair with padded upholstery for comfort. The user is secured with straps at the wrists, ankles, and torso to prevent movement. A distinctive feature of the chair is the large, helmet-like apparatus that covers the user’s head, blocking their vision and limiting external stimuli. This headpiece is designed to eliminate visual distractions, thereby encouraging concentration and mental clarity.
To use the Felix’s Focus Chair™, the individual sits in the chair, and an assistant secures the straps around the user’s body. Once restrained, the helmet is placed over the head, creating an isolated environment conducive to focus.
If you, like Felix once did, struggle with a low attention span and appnesia, the Felix’s Focus Chair™ is your ultimate solution to reclaim your concentration and productivity.
The choice would have fallen on carbonara.
No proofs provided, no fucks given.
People with their phone sound on and all their kin will be cursed for three hundred seventy-three years forward
It looks like the chair in my basement. Actually, you've just reminded me - I'd better go and check if the last user is still down there.
This is glorious; thank you!